In my mind, I was still in control: Kelly Osbourne and Dax Shepard discuss relapse, sobriety, and more – USA TODAY

Kelly Osbourne and Dax Shepard are opening up about their recent relapses. 

In September, Shepard revealed that after 16 years of sobriety, he relapsed when he started taking prescription pain pills following surgery for a motorcycle accident. Earlier this month, Osbourne said she relapsed on alcohol after nearly four years of sobriety following a “nervous breakdown” during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

Osbourne joined Shepard on Monday’s episode of his podcast, “Armchair Expert,” where the two discussed their history with addiction, how they dealt with their recent relapses and the fellowship of the AA program, which they agreed was more beneficial than the 12-steps themselves. 

But Osbourne said the effectiveness of the program “started to change” for her during quarantine as in-person meetings transitioned to Zoom, where it was harder to connect with her peers. 

“I started to do the online meetings. I didn’t like them,” Osbourne said. “The best part about going to an AA meeting is that you don’t have to look at your (expletive) self.”

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The “Project Runway Junior” judge said she grew “angry and resentful” when she “got nothing out of” the meetings that used to “mean everything to me” and “helped me figure out who I am.” It led to a domino effect on her sobriety.  

“Slowly but surely, I stopped calling my sponsor,” Osbourne said. “Slowly but surely, I stopped connecting with my girls. Slowly but surely, one girl relapsed. Then another girl relapsed and then all my friends relapsed.”

Osbourne said she convinced herself that she was “normal” and no longer an addict after making it “all the way through like the worst part of the lockdown” sober.

“I just sat by a pool by myself. I saw this girl drinking a glass of champagne and I was like I will have one of them. And I just had one and it was fine,” she recalled. “And I had a great time and I didn’t think anything of it. And then a couple weeks went by and I thought, ‘I did it then, I can do it again.'”

The former “Fashion Police” star said that restraint “did not last long.”

“Two weeks later, done… Did embarrassing (expletive). Blacked out,” she continued. “In my mind, I was still in control. It wasn’t until I found myself last weekend covered in ranch dressing by my friends pool sunburnt looking like a piece of (expletive) that I was like, ‘Maybe I don’t have this under control.’ “

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Kelly Osbourne attends the Life Ball 2015 press conference on May 16, 2015 in Vienna, Austria.

Shepard, 46, said he could relate: “I’m most vulnerable when things are great.”

He explained: “I expect to be miserable, I expect to be uncomfortable and there’s a combination of I don’t deserve it, one, and then two, when things are good, now I need to take it to another level.”

Osbourne agreed, “That’s the worst part about me.”

The 36-year-old daughter of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne credited her new boyfriend, which she described as the “healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in,” with helping her get back on track with her sobriety. 

“I’m trying new forms of therapy that I haven’t done before,” she said. 

Osbourne has been open about her struggle with addiction and alcohol and has received treatment at rehab multiple times. Osbourne announced she was one year sober in August 2018 after relapsing. 

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She first shared that she relapsed on April 20. 

“This is a little hard for me to talk about, but I’ve always promised you that I will always be honest with you about where I’m at and what’s going on in my road to recovery,” she said in a video posted on her Instagram Story. “I relapsed. Not proud of it. But I am back on track.”

Osbourne said in the interview with Extra on April 27 that she’s “sober today” and will be “sober tomorrow,” adding that sobriety “truly is just one day at a time.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration National Helpline at 800-662-HELP (4357) any time of day or night.

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